When The Bubbles And The Myths Burst!
Most
of my life I have been convincing others (and myself) that I am a seeker of
contentment and not of happiness. I have always believed that happiness doesn't
come alone and is followed by its counterpart grief. With the noble intention
of not wanting either, I have leaned towards contentment, hoping that it will
make my days easier.
Spoiler
alert - it didn't.
I
can't pinpoint the exact moment I realised that all wasn't fine at my end. But
I gradually started noticing that I wake up almost every day feeling as if the
weight of the entire world is on my shoulders. I treat every task as a routine
to be followed rigidly, and while the routine helped me to stay grounded, it is
now becoming a measure of how well my day was, something that I never intended
for it to become. I feel myself resisting internally to every task and every
chore. The things that used to excite me no longer serve their purpose.
But
I think what tipped me over the edge was the collection of self-help books
surrounding me. Every room has one. Not just books, there are notes, pages and
journals where I wrote down my musings from all the books that I read.
And
that made me realize that something is wrong upon Cloud Number Nine.
Ironically
it was also a book that set me off on a quest for happiness.
I
stumbled upon a book titled Animal Happiness, written by Will Jelbert. I came
across the concept of Happiness Myths in this book. According to the author,
there are six myths about happiness:
-
that money brings happiness.
-
that flashy and expensive things are a measure of happiness.
-
the excuse of 'I don't have time'.
-
that happiness can be found in a job.
-
location determines happiness and
-
fame and recognition bring happiness.
Of
all the above myths, I could relate with two of them - location and
fame/recognition.
A
decade ago, I shifted to Hyderabad, leaving behind the town of Dombivli where I
spent the first three decades of my life and with which I have a deep emotional
attachment. While I often think about my hometown, off late I had been thinking
that perhaps if I get a chance to return to the town and settle there for good,
I might be happier.
The
author successfully banished this myth by stating that happiness can be found
if we centre it around people and not places. While my town remains the same,
the people have changed. So have I. There is no guarantee that I will be happy
if I move there. This was quite a humbling realization.
The
second myth that I could relate with is fame. I am a blogger/writer,
perennially in search of an audience to read and review my works. While it was
never about being famous, I did long for a lot of readers for my blog and
books. It didn’t work out that way. I found myself losing my motivation to
write. I often felt that the lack of readers and viewership was another
deciding factor for my unhappiness. But this myth – that of fame and
recognition making a person happy – only reminded me of the time when I first
started writing. There were no expectations that my write-up would be
appreciated by many. There was just the happiness of being able to create something.
This realization burst both the bubble and the myth of the fickle happiness
that recognition seemingly brings to your life.
The
author has shared some beautiful points as summary in the first chapter of the
book:
-
What you think will make you happy is not the same as what will make you happy.
-
The things you think will make you happy change but what does make you happy is
consistent.
-
You cannot create internal happiness with external furniture.
The
book has motivated me to start on a quest for happiness. I have named it
Project Happiness. I have reached only the first step - identifying and
accepting my unhappiness and also bursting the myths around happiness. I have
miles to go, but my journey has begun, and sometimes that itself is a
consolation - having started on something.
Deepa, happiness project has such a cheerful vibe about it! We need more such projects in today's world. Interesting six myths about happiness. I can relate to the myth of location determining happiness. Like you, I too lived in Mumbai for the first 3 decades of my life and then travelled all over the country with my handsome naval aviator husband, before settling down in north India post-retirement. I miss Mumbai but am happy here too.
ReplyDeleteI could relate to almost everything you wrote in the book. I belong to Shimla and i am now in Hyderabad. I missed Shimla but everytime i go back I feel more like a tourist. Each myth about happiness is bang on. Will try to get my hands on the book
ReplyDeleteThanks. I think I needed to read this. Indeed, internal happiness cannot come from eternal furniture. This line made my day.
ReplyDeleteHappiness can't be obtained from external furniture - how profound is this...
ReplyDeleteI feel contentment and happiness are two sides of a coin, friend..What makes us happy changes with time. And, I cam relate with the routine u mentioned...At this juncture, I have lost interest in almost everything...and all the best for project happiness
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I, too, had many questions about happiness. I stopped reading Self-help books once I felt there was not much to add. A good friend who is well-read in Positive Psychology; discussions with him helped me unlearn certain myths. I joined a course, "A Life of Happiness and Fulfillment (ALOHAF)", by Prof. Raj Raghunathan when its registration opened on Coursera. The discussion in the group helped me.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this because probably I am experiencing this too. I too am finding it hard to write and may be it is about always looking within. Happiness is a inward journey and it is not easy but worth it.
ReplyDeleteLooks like you wrote about my life story. I have feeling this way since last few months too. Looks like I should also start my own Project Happiness!
ReplyDelete